You always knew there was something different about you. You feel scared and anxious about how your family and friends will react if they find out or if you tell them; you identify as an LBGTQA+ individual. Carrying and protecting this secret has become so heavy and all-consuming. You feel like if others knew your secret, they wouldn’t like you, or they might feel weird around you.

You have recently come out to friends and family. Some of them have been understanding, even accepting, while others have started to distance themselves or outright abandon you. You start to hear family members say things like, “Don’t tell your grandparents,” “This is just a phase,” or maybe even, “Have you ever tried to like the opposite gender?”. These remarks leave you feeling less and less secure in your skin. These comments make you wish you had never come out in the first place. When you look for support in the LGBTQ community, the message you get is “it gets better,” but it often leaves you wondering WHEN? When is it going to get better for me? When am I going to feel comfortable being myself? When will my friends and family accept the real me?

You have been out of the closet for a while now. Most of the time, you feel comfortable in your skin. However, no one told you that coming out was a lifelong process. You find it difficult to freely talk about your partner in mixed company as readily as your straight counterparts do. People make assumptions that you, too, are straight by asking how your husband or wife are doing just because they see you wear a wedding ring. You have had mixed experiences some good and some bad when you have faced the choice to out yourself in everyday situations. These experiences are like a pit in your stomach or a weight on your shoulders. Most of the time you don’t think about it, until it is forced in your face. You feel guilty that you struggle to be as out and proud as some of your friends. You feel embarrassed if other LGBTQA+ identifying people hear or see you struggle to stand in your truth as a proud out person. You thought you were over feeling shamed back into the closet. You thought you had dealt with all your internalized homophobia. However, there is still that voice that suggests you’re not enough. If you were straight, you wouldn’t have these problems or feel this way.